February 2012
32 posts
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“What settler colonialism does is that it sets a ceiling on what the future can...”
– Andrea Smith plenary talk at Critical Ethnic Studies and the Future of Genocide, Thursday, March 10, 2011 (via zombifuntime)
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The disciplinary principal at my arts high school calls an assembly that was supposed to be about not wearing hats inside the school buildings, but which spirals off into him lecturing us “young ladies” about wearing skin-tight leggings and our dancers walking in the hallways in leotards. He tells us the construction workers around the school have been checking us out and that we need...
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I’m participating in a self-defense class this semester. The day before class started, the instructor sends out an email with information on the class. A paragraph explained that the class was not a martial arts class, so it was not recommended for men. Are men born with inherently better self-defense skills? I didn’t think so. Guys get mugged too. And what about the fact that 10% of...
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I’m participating in a self-defense class this semester. The day before class started, the instructor sends out an email with information on the class. A paragraph explained that the class was not a martial arts class, so it was not recommended for men. Are men born with inherently better self-defense skills? I didn’t think so. Guys get mugged too. And what about the fact that 10% of...
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I convinced my boyfriend of a year to go to a school basketball game with me (he detests sports, but a friend of ours was playing). I bought our tickets from our vice principal at the door, handing her a twenty and asking, “two students, please!”
She said, “I hope you aren’t buying his ticket.”
Shocked, I tried to laugh, “I did make him come with me!”
...
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“But then who would be first lady? lol”
– About having a gay president.
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“Are you sure you are alright with driving a stick shift?”
– I received this question at different car dealerships when purchasing my last three cars. Asked around to my male friends who drive stick shift cars and none of them have ever received this question.
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A girl who lived in Africa joined our class in school. She’s white. I’m black. Our teacher says to me, “Welcome!” I say, “I’m from Michigan.”
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“Are you lesbian because a man hurt you?”
– I was facing homelessness after my parents found out I’m lesbian. My only nearby support system was the school I attended. After I explained the situation and disclosed my sexuality to a teacher I trusted with the information, this was the response I got.
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When I try to explain to people that I am, indeed, a native Hawaiian, people usually either laugh or ask “What are you? Albino?” Yes. Yes I am.
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In my Mandarin Chinese class at University, my teacher, who is from China, wrote the character for ‘banana’ on the board. Then she pointed to my friend Tania, who is ethnically Chinese but born here and whose family is from Mauritius, and said Tania is like a banana because she’s yellow on the outside… you get it. Tania left the room and later dropped out of the class. The...
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I ask a colleague to perform a simple task that is required of him. He responds with “it must be that time of the month, scary.” I ask him what female hormone levels have to do with his ability to carry out his job. He responds ” You sound like my wife”. I am a 29 year old broadcaster in New Zealand. Made me frustrated, angry, tired.
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“Oh it’s so soft, it’s like a loofah!”
– Classmate in college, patting a random dude with an afro in lecture. A memory kicked off by the ‘Shit white girls say to black girls’ video. I try and stop her because I don’t think this is appropriate but she doesn’t listen. He gets offended but she just says “Oh I...
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Me: Man it's so hot! I'm leaking sweat...
White male: How can you be hot?? Your people come from AFRICA! You should be used to it!
At an outdoor nightclub with roller derby team. I'm a 25-year old black female...and how many generations removed from Africa? Does being black mean you have no sweat glands?
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Today, I ordered some food and was asked how spicy I’d like it. I replied that I’d like it to be very spicy, and immediately, the man taking my order winked suggestively and asked me if I “liked things hot” all the time. I was in restaurant with my friends. I’m a 16 year old girl. I felt uncomfortable and appalled that, as a girl, even my food preferences had to be...
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“While I welcome a majority of the new laws to be implemented this year, I...”
– Facebook status of a classmate.
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some definitions from psychology... discuss!
esprit-follet:
Microassaults: Conscious and intentional actions or slurs, such as using racial epithets, displaying swastikas or deliberately serving a white person before a person of color in a restaurant. Microinsults: Verbal and nonverbal communications that subtly convey rudeness and insensitivity and demean a person’s racial heritage or identity. An example is an employee who asks a...
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“Granted, you won’t have a normal family.”
– Sister talking about how having a “gay family” isn’t normal. As if something was wrong about me. Does she even realize how much that hurts me, and could potentially poison her son’s upbringing?
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A girl comes up to the sink next to mine in a public bathroom and asks, “Where are you from?” I say, “Albion.” She says, “Is that in China?” I go, “No.. thats in north east Indiana.” I’m Filipina and have lived in the States since I was an infant. Made me feel shocked and confused.
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“But what would you think if someone came in with purple hair?”
– A consultant when I was seeking advice on how I should go about discussing the harassment and discrimination I have dealt with concerning my natural afro-textured hair at my job. I do not wear braids, locs, or twists. Nor do I cut my hair or dye my hair in unnatural colors (I keep it brown). I ONLY...
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“Your brother is such a girl!”
– My mother while we did Christmas shopping together, because my little brother has traditionally feminine interests. Made me feel frustrated, upset.
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At dinner with an upper-middle class friend's white parents when they are visiting her when studying abroad in Buenos Aires. We both study at the same elite Liberal Arts college and became friends whens studying abroad. At dinner they ask the question I always dread in these contexts.
My friend's father: So what do your parents do?
Me: My dad works as a waiter at a hotel
Friend's Father: What? He works as a waiter and manages to support the family that way? How is that possible? (Looks at his wife) Maybe we should get some tips (Laughter)
Yes, my father manages to support the family that way but my parents obviously can't afford to take a vacation to come visit me in Buenos Aires. It's difficult enough for them to pay my tuition let alone come visit me and eat at ridiculously expensive restaurants in one of the most expensive parts of the city. A significant part of the US is working class and doesn't enjoy the same privileges as you and your supposedly Liberal family that can't even recognize how alienating and offensive of a comment that is. Don't marvel at my socioeconomic class and make me feel like that token poor minority friend who helps your privileged daughter become more "conscious."
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White American non-Muslim woman: Where you from?
Me: ( )ville.
Her: I am from there, too.
Me: We should have car-pooled into the city together.
Her: (laughs) But I meant...I thought you were an immigrant.
She waits for me to define myself for her. Anyone who is not Native American is an immigrant. But that's not what she means. She wants the name of a country, a box to put me into. I say, "No," and she frowns at my not giving her the critical information. I walk away. She doesn't want to interact with me until she can categorize me. I wonder how many strangers have ever walked up to her and demanded a country in the first minute of the conversation. I want to scream, sorry to disappoint you, but I am not your ambassador to The Exotic! I am a Muslim-American woman who wears a headscarf, we are volunteering for a community service project. Made me feel small, annoyed.
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“Sorry , that must be my Black coming out.”
– My biracial friend (African American and Mexican). Whenever she does or says something negative she blames it on the “Black” side of her. Makes me feel angry, belittled, resentful.
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“If you don’t like it here then why don’t you just move somewhere...”
– My White classmate suggested I leave the US because of all the social problems. I’m Native American.
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“Wow, you’re really good at this!”
– Male co-worker, in a tone of great surprise, at seeing me use a screwdriver to open my PC because the hard drive had failed. I’m female, 24, and I have a master’s in computer science. Made me feel undervalued, like he’s expecting less of me because of my gender.
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“We can’t have equal representation, the whole political system would...”
– My brother and step father to me over dinner last night.
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“No, it’s a man’s job.”
– This was said in response to me, an able-bodied woman, when I offered to help carry a stack of books. Quite bewildering as I was quite a lot bigger, stronger and younger than the man who said this.
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“You can’t be black. You listen to Rock Music.”
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“This is a rotating set… It can be pushed easily by one strong guy, or...”
– My theater professor at my small liberal arts college.
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“I just don’t understand it. I think you must just be doing it for...”
– My brother upon noticing that I no longer shave off my body hair. Made me feel angry that he felt he had the right to comment, and also that he thought I deserved less respect because of my personal choices.
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I’m in an Adolescent Development class, and I’m reviewing the slides and one slide about socio-economic status and achievement stated: Reasons for worse school performance of poor youth? They begin school with a distinct academic disadvantage (scoring lower on tests of basic skills). Genetic (lower IQ) and environmental (less cultural and social capital) disadvantages. <excuse me?
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“Don’t worry about Mr. ________. He’s just extremely Jewish.”
– This was said to me by an employee on my first day at a location as the assistant manager. It was after I attempted to deal with a difficult customer who refused my help because he didn’t recognize me. The employee did not know at the time that I was raised Jewish.
January 2012
99 posts
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“Push like a man!”
– One man to another while trying to load a delivery cart in Manhattan.
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“I feel like such a fatty, no offense.”
– My friend to me.
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I’m at a workplace holiday dinner and we are sharing each others’ quirks and habits. My boss says that people should be careful about what they say around me, no sexist jokes, etc. The only man in a small staff of women, says, “I know bitches like that.” Everyone reacted by going “ohhhhhh!”
I am a young, queer woman who is out and political around the office,...
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“Oh… So I’m just going to put that you aren’t sexually active...”
– My gynecologist’s reaction to me revealing, when she asked about my sexual activity, that I only have sex with women. Made me feel like nothing I do with women will ever “count” the way it would if I was with men.
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I’m in a Master of Social Work program at an Ivy League university, and my professors and administrators consistently tell me that I have a different background than my clients. They don’t know that I am from a working poor family, and I am a survivor of incest.
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Student: Do you wear ties all the time?
Me: No, just when I have a good reason to dress up.
Student: But shouldn't you be wearing a dress, though?
I'm lounging around in nice clothes and a tie at a Jobs Corps center. I'm a pre-everything trans guy. Made me feel angry, like it was none of her business.
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“OMFG! It’s like little Mexico beneath my floors! New neighbors moved in...”
– From a Facebook post from a fellow counseling colleague.
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“Hey! White girl! I love you! You are beautiful!”
– Shouted to me on the street 15+ times a day during my study abroad experience in Nicaragua. I never truly understood what it meant to feel objectified until this experience.
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The learn-to-speak-German tapes I’ve been listening to will ask me to “Say ______ in German” and then will ask me to say the same thing “as if you were a woman” (because some aspects of the grammar are gendered and would be different depending on the speaker). But I already am a woman.
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“I’m fine with gay people as long as they aren’t gay around me.”
– Boys in my homeroom having a conversation behind me. As an in the closet bisexual teen, it made me feel ashamed; like there was something wrong with me.
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In Psychology class, we’re using gender as one of our factors. The participants who chose not to answer either “female” or “male” are excluded in many of the analyses. As if not being either male or female makes a person’s contribution irrelevant and worthless.
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“You talk white.”
– As a young latina, this was expressed to me numerous times after displaying an ‘extensive’ vocabulary or my use of grammatically correct english. It also usually went hand in hand with “you’re not like the rest of them.” I felt angry, sad, despondent. I would go talk to...
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“The gay couple who moved in next door are not as comically flamboyant as the gay...”
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I’m a half-Dakota, half-Caucasian (a mix of many races) woman who is fairly dark. My friend, who is also half but has very fair skin and eyes said to me one day, “I love being light and Native because I get all of the benefits and none of the prejudice.”
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“Are you married? Are you single? If you’re single, go out on a date with...”
– A response from a man in a group I had approached to sign a petition to get President Obama on our state’s ballot. I told him it was none of his business. It made me feel trivialized and diminished, as if my work on behalf of the president is “less” because I’m a woman. It...
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“Would you like the green card or the pink card? The green card? Are you sure? I...”
– Said by a a male to me while I was signing up to a store’s club.